Saturday, February 09, 2008
Its just not fair Current mood: depressed
Its just not fair.. Why you had to leave me before i got to know you.. I know that i wasnt like the other moms that are jumping for joy when they 1st find out,But i know that as the time went on i just couldnt wait for you to be here. I dont understand why i didnt get to meet you I know that you would have been a special baby to me my 1st... Girl or boy i would have loved you more then you know, God must know something i do not. I am afriad to try agian for i dont want to go though the pain that i am now.. I dont understand why you could have been born to a unfit mother but not to me.. I miss you more and more each day that goes by.. I wish i could have seen you just one time.. I feel alone in this crule crule world. I dont feel your daddy knows just how i feel..Why didnt you come was it because you were afriad.. I would have kept you safe.. I thought i would have my wish that i would have a baby to show my dad... Hopefully one day i will.. I feel i have let so many people down.. did god think that i wouldnt have been a good parnet.. I would have changed anything for you.. I would have walked to the end of the earth for you.. I never even knew you and i feel like i lost my best friend.. And what i dont understand even more is why you had to leave on the day that the brother i never knew was born....Did he take you with... I know that with you in heaven you have got to meet your grandparnets.. Funny how you bypassed me and went to them... I wish i could have seen you 1st.. Hopefully one day i will see you with all of them.. Maybe Grandpa reed needed a grandbaby with him to fish with.. Or maybe grandma reed needed someone to remind her of daddy... Or maybe granny barnes need you to make her smile.. Either way i guess they needed you more then i did.. Or something went wrong... I know that i dont want to have to go thought that agian and if i do your little brother or sister will be the last one for i will only go though this two times... I dont know two people that never loved each other could make such a neatuiful kid but two people that hae loved each other for more then 5 years cant have one beatuiful baby all i have ever wanted was to carry his child.. I guess i got to for a little while.. I know that its all for reason but i dont understand why you had to go.. I feel very alone.. I feel that maybe this whole life was a mistake was i not susposed to be where i am today .. I feel your daddy loves me but isnt in love with me.. Maybe he married me for the wrong reasons and you knew that.. I have always say that i thought that i thought it was wrong to do that but who knows.. Well anyway i hope you are haveing fun with your angel wings.. Please look over us and take care i hope to see you one day
Love your MOM
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