My Struggle

I have been struggling lately ( kinda a privte struggle but i feel that the people that read my blog are trusted enough not to say anything to people) with knowing that David has a another little girl and gretchen has a big sister that she may never get to know.. Because David and Nikki cant sort out thier differences and let the past be the past... I know that there are feelings involved and people got hurt and those emotions run deep. But i cant help think that these things should be put to the side for the sake of child... I dont think that any child should have to grow up without a dad.... I guess cause i have had such a close realtionship with my dad... I really want to have Macy in our life as gretchens big sister... With us going to moving closer next year. I dont see why they cant work something out... I am going to talk to david and see what he says about contacting her and maybe seeing her while we are in town at the end of this month.... I just dont think that niether child Macy or Gretchen should have to suffer cause of something thier parnets did in the past...I did a search the other day on Nikki and came up with this article that she wrote and it also weighed heavy on my mind......http://www.helium.com/items/1009346-should-men-bridge-the-childcare-gap  .... there it is if you want to read it... With her saying that i dont see why she wouldnt want david to be apart of macys' life... I dont see that david is a danger to his children. I mean i guess if you just know the surface part of david you might think that but i know how the real david is and i dont see how he could be a danger to his kids and its not like i am wanting to have macy overnight just to have her in our lives would be nice however they could work it out..... I know that david didnt handle this the way he should have, David knows he didnt handle this the way it should have been but he did what he did and there is no changing that... I just dont think Macy should have to pay the price for it... I know i sound like a broken record but its just how i feel...I have talked to david about this (cause i am the type of person that once something is in my head it will either eat away inside me or i can just tell it to the person i need to tell it to and with david he can tell when i have something bottled up) and he says he does feel bad for not being there in Macys life and that if he could do it over he would have been there from the start....He doesnt know how to go about trying to get back into Macys life... Nikki was pretty clear that if he was to contact her agian she would get a restrianing order although i am not sure what judge would grant a restrianing order for someone that lives 1500 miles away and just want to be apart of his daughters life... I think david doesnt want to spend the money in the courts cause i think he doesnt think we can afford it with us wanting to move and all...****SIGH**** I dont know i wish i had a big eraser and could go back and erase the bitterness they have towards each other and you know i think what else bothers me is she acts like she is raising these 3 kids by herself and from what i understand she drops them off and her mom and dads house on sunday evening and picks them up friday after school cause she works nights... So to me thats not a mother either... So i dont know i just feel bad for Macy... All i can do is pray that god will work in this for the sake of the kids!!!

Update: have talked to david about this and he said he is going to try and talk to her one more time and see if they can work something out. If they cant then we are going to have something wrote out to protect david from being responsible for child susport if later down the road she decideds she wants david to pay up... He is going to do this at his pace as i feel its not my place to contact her and he feels the same way. (but he knows he cant drag his feet about this because i have told him i wanted it taken care of BEFORE we move, cause if  she doesnt want him to have anything to do with Macy then once we move we will deal with the papers then!!!)